Who would have thought that there are some perks from growing in a broken home and witnessing a broken marriage firsthand? Well,\u00a0I do.<\/p>\n
I grew up in a broken home and witnessed broken marriage firsthand. I watched my parents grow apart from each other \u2013 no terms of endearment, no holding of hands, no sweet late-night pillow talks. One had the master bedroom for her own, and the other technically married the couch. I have heard unpleasant shouting, and have seen them hurt each other \u2013 verbally and physically.<\/p>\n
It was quite the environment one wishes not to grow up in. But I love my parents; I\u2019ve forgiven them for the pain they\u2019ve caused me. Believe it or not, the situation I grew up in did not make me indifferent towards marriage, and I have God to thank for that.<\/p>\n
For what it\u2019s worth, it made me extra cautious and wise in dating as I age. I do not take courtship lightly and I\u2019ve always made it a point to set marriage as a goal for prospective partners. I have built lofty standards for a future partner that it became a tough wall to break, and my game was not always easy to pull off. Guys get pretty intimidated and rumor has it that I\u2019ll end up single my whole life. That was how I came to believe that men who can successfully climb the wall mean serious business.<\/p>\n
While there are lots of disadvantages in my upbringing, I also see some benefits from this experience that I can apply when the time comes for me to get married. In order for me to get there, here is a checklist that I\u2019ve developed over time, which will serve as a guide to the man I am marrying someday:<\/p>\n
He doesn\u2019t look at dating as a joke.
\n<\/strong>
\n<\/strong>I had to put this on top of my list as I want to emphasize that dating is not a game and should not be taken lightly. Dating is different in every culture, but with mine (in the culture I embraced for myself), I don\u2019t allow myself to be with someone who I don\u2019t actually want to end up with. I am careful in going out with the opposite gender alone. I prefer having the getting-to-know-each-other stage with a larger group; preferably, my trusted circle because there will be less time to fake it and more time to be real. I prefer friendship to be the foundation of my relationship.<\/p>\nHe has faith in his beliefs.<\/strong><\/p>\nOh yes, this could be a clich\u00e9, but you can\u2019t go wrong with this. \u00a0Knowing that he is a man of faith would make me feel secure because it takes humility, perseverance, and commitment to stick to religious principles. Having that strength of character would come in handy especially since relationships tend to be a rollercoaster ride.<\/p>\n
He loves his family and is willing to love my family.<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\nAt present, many have become strangers to family intimacy. It\u2019s harder for some to respect their parents. I want to be with someone who wants our relationship to be a blessing to our families. One who would understand curfews and other practices that the family honors. If he is not expressing his love for his family the way he should, how can I be sure that he will do it with my family and our future family?<\/p>\n
He knows chivalry.
\n<\/strong>
\nThis is also one of the values that has been forgotten by the present generation. Some men nowadays are just courteous when they are trying to impress but in general, well, they don\u2019t care. I said some\u2026 I still believe and see some men who demonstrate common courtesy. So yeah, when you find one, keep him.<\/p>\nHe gets along with kids.
\n<\/strong>
\n<\/strong>This is not innate for everyone and I don\u2019t blame personality differences, but I just want to see how he is with kids so I will have an idea as to how he will interact with our own in the future. Dealing with kids will also need a lot of patience so it\u2019s quite a place to test his.<\/p>\nHe sees his future with me.
\n<\/strong>
\n<\/strong>It\u2019s important for me that the man I am dating is interested in marrying me someday. I want him to envision our relationship as something that will end up in matrimony. I don\u2019t want to be with someone who thinks that since marriage is not happening anytime soon, it\u2019s okay not to talk about it. If he\u2019s not ready for it, then don\u2019t plan on starting yet \u2013 either he\u2019s too young to date or his priorities have not been aligned. It will be a source of argument if one is already gearing towards it and the other is taking his sweet time. Besides, you don\u2019t tell the person you\u2019re dating that, \u201cHey, let\u2019s just date for this span of time, then let\u2019s call it quits!\u201d\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\nHe can meet me halfway.
\n<\/strong>
\n<\/strong>I don\u2019t need a guy who will shove the passage about being a submissive partner to my face. While I also believe in that, I want to see a guy who also knows how to humble himself and apologize when necessary. He should not be a boss but a partner to me. In any relationship, I think it\u2019s important to know how to meet each other\u2019s needs.<\/p>\nThe list could go on with a lot of specifics but for me, these are my non-negotiables in looking for a lifetime partner. You may have your own set of standards, and that\u2019s okay \u2014 use those standards as your guide in picking the best person who you think will complement you. But remember, when you do list down these standards, make sure that you also live each one. Meaning, if you want someone who\u2019ll be faithful to you, you should also be confident that you be devoted to him. Lastly, be gracious \u2014 we are all a work-in-progress. Give room for growth. He may not have \u201call it takes\u201d, but if he\u2019s willing to grow for the better, then he\u2019s worth considering.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Who would have thought that there are some perks from growing in a broken home and witnessing a broken marriage firsthand? Well,\u00a0I do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3265,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[18],"class_list":["post-1958","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage","tag-marriage"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.familyfirstglobal.org\/extra\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1958","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.familyfirstglobal.org\/extra\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.familyfirstglobal.org\/extra\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.familyfirstglobal.org\/extra\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.familyfirstglobal.org\/extra\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1958"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.familyfirstglobal.org\/extra\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1958\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.familyfirstglobal.org\/extra\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3265"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.familyfirstglobal.org\/extra\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1958"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.familyfirstglobal.org\/extra\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1958"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.familyfirstglobal.org\/extra\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1958"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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