Picking Up The Pieces
PROCESSING WIDOWER’S GRIEF
by Family First Global | 06 November 2020
People react differently to various situations, and even two individuals under one circumstance can have very different experiences from it. The same goes for losing a spouse. Men and women have unique ways of processing the loss of their other half, and with some guys, these are more difficult to perceive due to societal expectations of men being a pillar of strength at all times.
At the end of the day, regardless of what people see, widowers nurse a kind of grief that only time can heal. It may seem impossible to get over the pain at first, but these steps might hopefully speed up the process.
Write to Remember
The shock and disbelief of losing your wife can make you lose touch with reality – a condition often linked with utmost grief and trauma. This is manifested through short-term memory loss, which will eventually fade away once your grief starts to dissipate. To help you through this, keep a journal close and jot down important things that you need to keep in mind. Whether it be personal appointments or work-related activities, take time to note them down until you regain confidence in retaining this information in your head.
Accept and Let Go
When the sadness becomes too much to bear, it becomes hard to think clearly and rationally. You might find yourself making unreasonable deals for an impossible outcome, which will add to feelings of hurt and frustration. When you find yourself down that road – stop. Breathe. And accept that there are things that are beyond your control. Despite your fervent yearning, your spouse won’t be coming back – it is a tough pill to swallow, but hold on to hope that someday, you’ll be able to understand and move forward.
Cherish Good Memories
Some men, especially those who are very much devoted to their departed wife, might feel guilty that they still get to walk this earth. Being consumed with guilt may complicate the process of healing, so before it happens, focus your attention on something else. Your wife may be gone, but the beautiful days that you spent together will forever live on in your heart and memory. Relive those special moments, even the most ordinary ones, and you’ll realize that you did all you could to make your wife happy. Let contentment take the place of self-doubt.
Lower Your Walls
Losing your wife is a burden that is not yours to bear alone. Other people share the same pain in varying degrees. Your wife was a daughter to her parents, a sister to her siblings, a friend, a colleague. Seek out those whose lives she has touched and take comfort in their stories. When they come to you instead, let them in, and allow them to try and comfort you in times of grief. It is never a weakness to accept help from others, especially when you need it the most.
Tag: marriage, grief